Her body guard, her friend, but nothing more.

We spend 3 hours talking, scratch that, i spend 30 minutes talking over a span of 3 hours you spend 2.5 hours talking. I listen with genuine interest, you stare off into space. I hint towards more than a friendship, you shrug it off as a joke. I sometimes wonder, no, worry, that you think im gay. You've said "i don't know why i talk about this, you don't like me like that" and to avoid making it obvious and awkward, i say nothing . I can't act on my impulses because of your blatant disdain of The word love. Yet you use it repeatedly in the description of your feelings towards another guy. You have no idea, none, what so ever. I've stopped trying, i don't care any more, you have turned me into an apathetic, uncaring, unfeeling, empty shell of a human body.

I cant even voice this aloud.
I use this hidden, unknown blog to get it off my chest.
pathetic, both of us.

my daily routine

7:00 am: alarm clock sounds, wake up, walk 7 feet to my alarm clock turn it off and go back to sleep

7:20 am: I wake up, and realize i have to be at work in 10 minutes

7:30 am-6:30pm: Work, a boring and drawn out time where i change the oil of cars and truck and SUV's of people too stupid to know that when your air filter is the same color as your oil, you really should change it, mixed with random cleaning and a 30 minute break from it all.

6:35 pm: Get home from work, walk down the stairs to the unfinished basement I call home.

7:00pm: Tv, history channel discovery. The internet,
myspace, facebook, fake friends, omegle, complete honesty from complete stangers.

8:00pm: I get hungry, but dont want to move, i should shower.. maybe, shower, food back to my basement.

9:00 pm: This night seems drawn out, nothing happening at all, I have work tomorrow. Change the channel on the tv, i wasnt paying attention anyway.

10:00pm-?: adult swim, king of the hill, no more computer laying in bed i think. I black out and wake up at 2am and wonder where it all went.

This is MY life

A taoist priest

Into a soul absolutely free
From thoughts and emotion,
Even the tiger finds no room
To insert it's fierce claws.

One and the same breeze passes
Over pines on the mountain
And the oak trees in the valley:
And why do they give different notes?

No thinking, no reflecting,
Perfect emptiness;
Yet therein something moves,
Following its own course.

The eye sees it,
But no hands can take hold of it -
The moon in the stream.

Clouds and mists,
They are midair transformations;
Above them eternally shine the sun and the moon,

Victory is for the one,
Even before the combat,
Who has no thought of himself,
Abiding in the no-mind-ness of Great Origin.

The foreward of the tao of bruce lee.
Take it to heart

Hi, i'm cliche

I am Eric Bessette. These are the thoughts that enter my head on a daily basis.

Like everybody else, i hate my life.
Like everybody else, i want better things.
Like everybody else, i want more money, a better car, a bigger house.

Like everybody else i'm discontent with everything and want what i can't have.

Like everyone else, i try desperately to get attention, to get people to notice me.

I realize that no one will likely read this, and my life, is in all actuality, not that bad.

I have no relationship, no social life, no potential to find a significant other, an unhealthy obsession with the end of the world, and a reckless abandon attitude.

I speed excessively, drink more than i should, sleep less than 5 hours a night, i trespass, i lie, i harbor destructive thoughts and constantly think about what i would do if, infact, the world did end right now.

This, is my mind.